It happened by chance that I found myself outside Jamie’s casting studio feeling nervous and a bit giggly (Thanks for the wine by the way!) I’d received a round robin txt from a friend asking for volunteers to be interviewed by channel4 talking about how we felt about our vagina’s. The producer rang back giving details of where to meet and what was expected and so off I trotted, freshly trimmed and scrubbed thinking ‘What the fuck am I doing here!’
I’ve never been the kind of bird that has been-at-one with my vagina or sat with a mirror wedged between my thighs watching myself masturbate and getting all zen about it, years of sexual abuse in one form or another has caused serious feelings of shame and detachment with my ‘bits’!
Also, when I gave birth to my son 13 yrs ago I split from arse-to-elbow! It wasn’t so much stitches as embroidery that put me back together and I swear to you the doctor signed her initials down there! Suffice to say that I’ve always felt very self conscious of the state of my pussy which just added to the general sexual deadness I felt, until, that was, I met Bruno, he was the kind of guy that loved to have sex in broad daylight and would spend ages between my legs just gazing at my sex and telling me how pretty he thought my pussy was, ‘Some girls look like exploded cabbages babe, so you’ve got nothing to worry about’ was his comment when I couldn’t quite believe in the adulation.
I’m indebted to Bruno for so many things, so many awakenings, sexual and otherwise. He sadly passed away earlier this year but his legacy in how I feel about myself has lived on. It was solely down to him that I was able to allow Jamie to take a cast of my vagina that day which brings us back to the story, so there I was, getting more tiddly by the minute listening to everyone else’s stories while the camera was turned on us one by one. Then it was my turn to go ‘get done’ eeek! There I was, on a wobbly trestle table, legs akimbo ‘cervical smeary stylee’ with Jamie at one end wearing rubber gloves clutching a tub of nivea, Lisa at the other end asking me questions and channel4 filming the whole thing!
After smearing warm, blue dental goo and then plaster of paris on me, Jamie left the room while I ‘set’, came back in a few minutes later, gave a couple of firm raps on my cast and said ‘You’re done!’ and peeled the whole thing off, and there she was in all her glory. I’ve never seen my pussy from that angle before and she did look quite pretty I guess. To be honest, I’ll probably never be completely at ease looking at my own pussy but I’ve come a long way from feeling disgust at her very existence.
All in all, a very positive and life affirming experience made all the more easier because of Jamie’s consummate professionalism and a large bottle of wine!